In our last post, I talked about why most PE advice is broken. Kegels don’t work for most guys, medication is a crutch, and the squeeze technique is duct tape.
But I didn’t really get into why you have PE in the first place. That’s what this post is about.
Here’s the thing: the medical establishment will give you a list of “causes” - psychological factors, penile sensitivity, genetics. But when you actually dig into the research, they basically admit they don’t really know. The literature says the pathophysiology is “largely unknown.”
That’s not good enough.
We’ve spent a lot of time researching this - talking to users, digging through studies, reading every Reddit thread and forum post we could find. And we’ve landed on a framework that actually makes sense and, more importantly, is actionable.
There are 6 main causes of PE. Most guys have some combination of them. Understanding which ones apply to you is the first step to actually fixing this.
1. Nervous System Hyperreactivity
This is the big one that nobody talks about properly.
Here’s a question: why do antidepressants work for premature ejaculation?
SSRIs increase serotonin levels in your brain. Serotonin inhibits the ejaculatory reflex. More serotonin = higher threshold before you finish. The research on this is solid.
But think about what that actually means. If your neurochemistry determines how fast you escalate, then some guys are just... wired to be more reactive. Their nervous system is in sympathetic overdrive - fight-or-flight mode - more often than it should be.
We talked to a user - let’s call him Mike - who described it perfectly. “I feel like I’m either at a 0 or I’m at a 9 out of 10, there’s no in between. Like my body is already revved up. Then any stimulation just pushes me over the edge immediately.”
That’s hyperreactivity. Your baseline arousal is already elevated. Your nervous system is hair-trigger.
Here’s how you can tell if this is you:
- You’re generally an anxious or tense person
- You notice you actually last longer when you’re sleep deprived (counterintuitive, but your nervous system is too tired to be reactive)
- Alcohol helps you last longer (it’s a depressant - calms the nervous system)
- You last longer after a hard workout (you’ve burned off the excess adrenaline)
- You feel like you’re already aroused before any physical stimulation happens
The wild part is: this is trainable. Your vagus nerve regulates the switch between sympathetic (fight-or-flight) and parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) states. Breathing exercises, specifically ones that extend the exhale, activate the vagus nerve and train your body to downregulate.
This is also why consistent edging practice works even when it doesn’t feel like it’s “doing anything.” You’re literally training your nervous system to stay calm at higher levels of arousal. The exposure itself is the training.
The Definitive Guide on Reddit - which is one of the better resources out there - works partly because of this. The guys who stick with it are doing daily practice that, whether they realize it or not, is training their nervous system to be less reactive.
2. Muscular Dysfunction
Here’s a question: how many hours a day do you sit?
If you’re like most guys reading this, it’s probably 8+. Desk job, commute, couch at night. Your body spends most of its time in a seated position.
This fucks up your entire chain.
When you sit all day, certain muscles get tight (hip flexors, lower back) and others get weak (glutes, deep core). Your body adapts to the position you put it in most often. And this has a direct impact on your pelvic control.
Everything in your core and pelvic region is connected. Tight hip flexors pull on your pelvis. Weak glutes mean other muscles compensate. The tension patterns cascade.
We talked to a user who worked at a startup - sat 12+ hours a day. He said he felt like he had “no connection” to his pelvic area. Like he couldn’t feel or control what was happening down there. When he started doing hip stretches and glute work, not even thinking about PE specifically, he noticed improvement within a few weeks.
This isn’t woo-woo. It’s biomechanics. If the muscles surrounding your pelvis are tight, weak, or imbalanced, you have less control over what happens there.
The fix isn’t complicated: stretch what’s tight, strengthen what’s weak. Hip flexor stretches, glute bridges, core stability work. Stuff any physical therapist would tell you to do for back pain - turns out it also helps with PE.
3. Pelvic Floor Dysfunction
You’ve heard of kegels. But here’s what most advice gets wrong: they assume your pelvic floor is weak. For most guys - especially desk workers - it’s actually tight.
There’s a difference between a weak muscle and a tight muscle. And the solution is different for each.
Tight pelvic floor: The muscle is clenched, can’t relax, and fires too quickly. When arousal builds, it triggers a contraction that leads to orgasm before you want it. These guys need reverse kegels - learning to release and relax the pelvic floor.
Weak pelvic floor: The muscle can’t generate enough force to hold back when you want to. These guys benefit from traditional kegels - building strength.
Most guys have some combination. A muscle that’s chronically tight is also usually weak because it’s never going through its full range of motion.
One user told us he’d been doing kegels for months with no results. When we dug in, it turned out he was already clenched all the time - you could see it in his posture, the way he held tension. He didn’t need more strength. He needed to learn to let go. Once he started focusing on reverse kegels and relaxation, things shifted.
The point is: “just do kegels” is lazy advice. You need to understand what’s actually going on with your specific pelvic floor.
4. Poor Arousal Awareness
This one is simple but important: you can’t control what you can’t feel.
Most guys with PE have terrible awareness of their own arousal levels. They can’t tell the difference between a 4 and a 7 on a 10-point scale. By the time they notice they’re getting close, they’re already at a 9.5 and it’s too late.
We had a user who described it like this: “It’s like I don't realize I'm close until I'm already there. I'll think I'm fine, totally in control, and then suddenly it's happening. Like I skipped from a 5 to a 10 with no warning."
That’s an awareness problem.
Guys who last longer aren’t necessarily doing anything magical in the moment. They just have better proprioception - they can feel the escalation happening earlier and make adjustments before it’s too late. Slow down, change angles, breathe, whatever.
The good news is awareness is trainable. It’s literally just paying attention, repeatedly, over time. Solo practice where you consciously rate your arousal throughout. Noticing what a 3 feels like vs a 5 vs a 7. Building the mental map.
This is another reason why the stop-start technique works as a training tool (not during sex with a partner - that’s dumb). It forces you to pay attention to your arousal levels. The stopping and starting isn’t the point. The awareness you build is the point.
5. Conditioned Patterns
Your body has learned to ejaculate quickly. That’s a pattern. Patterns can be unlearned.
Think about how most guys’ early sexual experiences go. Rushing to finish before someone walks in. Masturbating as fast as possible out of shame or time pressure. First sexual experiences filled with anxiety and overstimulation.
Your nervous system learned: sexual arousal → finish fast. That got wired in through repetition.
One user told us he realized his entire masturbation habit was speed-focused. He’d watch porn, fast forward to the good parts, finish in 2-3 minutes. He’d been training himself to escalate and finish as quickly as possible for years.
The pattern isn’t permanent. Neural pathways can be rewired. But it takes consistent practice in the opposite direction. Slow, extended sessions. Not chasing the finish. Teaching your body that arousal doesn’t have to immediately lead to ejaculation.
This is why any program that has you practicing consistently tends to work to some degree. You’re literally reconditioning the pattern through repetition.
6. [One More We’re Not Sharing Yet]
There's a sixth factor we've identified that I'm not going to share here. My cofounder would kill me if I gave away everything. We're keeping some things in the vault for now. But I'll probably spill more in future posts - subscribe if you want to be the first to know.
Why This Framework Matters
Most PE advice fails because it’s one-size-fits-all. “Do kegels.” “Take this pill.” “Try the squeeze technique.”
But if your problem is primarily nervous system hyperreactivity, kegels aren’t going to help. If your problem is muscular dysfunction from sitting all day, breathing exercises alone won’t fix it. If you have a tight pelvic floor and you do more kegels, you might make it worse.
The fix has to match the cause.
This is why we built Control the way we did. The assessment isn’t just “how long do you last” - it’s trying to figure out which combination of these factors applies to you. Then the program targets your specific issues.
We’re not going to give away exactly how we do that here - that’s the product. But the framework above is real. Understanding which causes apply to you is the first step.
Try It
If any of this resonated, give Control a shot. The assessment will help you figure out what’s actually going on, and the program will target your specific combination of causes.
Coming Up
Next posts in this series:
- How we calculate your Control Score - the radar chart and what each axis means
- Control vs other approaches - honest comparison of us vs Reddit guides vs other apps
- Case studies - real user journeys with before/after data
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